These Are NOT the Kinds of Articles I Need to Read These Days

Cripes, 15 pounds? I'm hoping for less than 8; I'm measuring a little big for this stage of the game, so we'll see...

Mocha Chocolatta Ya Ya

So, while I was typing my last post about having a big belly, I was snacking on a Twix. What can I say? Baby wanted some chocolate. Anyhoo, I get through my missive detailing how people can't stop staring at my belly, and I stand up to go to the ladies' room. Once in there, I take a gander at myself in the mirror and see a big ol' chocolate splotch in the middle of my shirt, directly atop my nearly-outtie bellybutton.

Hmmm. Maybe I'm just spilling stuff on myself, and that's why people are staring. Awesome.

My Eyes Are Up HERE

Per my OB/GYN, I am measuring at 32 weeks (I'm actually only at 31 weeks). Know what that means? I'm gettin' big, baby.

One of my favorite parts of pregnancy is watching people fight the urge to rake their gaze over my swollen middle. It's a hoot, because the folks who are doing it are desperately angling for subtlety. Oh, and how they fail. I'll bump into the mail distribution chica, for example, and she'll ask me how I'm feeling and furtively peek at my belly, then look back up at me, then back to the belly. And she's not paying the least bit of attention to what I'm saying. It's kind of like the kinder, gentler version of what Pamela Anderson must go through every bloomin' day of her life.

I don't know if they are trying to gauge how far along I am, or if they're hoping to catch the Nessie-like movement in my abdomen, or if they are tummy fetishists. I'm cool with it, though. I mean, at least their not cupping my belly without permission or anything. Now THAT would be a problem.

Curse of the Return Receipt

Return receipts have always rubbed me the wrong way. If you're not familiar with these minor annoyances, let me 'splain what they are. You get an e-mail. You open it. A dialog box pops open explaining that the sender has requested a return receipt, and asks if you would like to confirm that you received the e-mail. Now, I'm not one to hide behind lost e-mail and voice mail as an excuse for not having completed a task. But I would still like to operate under some veil of mystery when it comes to when I read specific e-mail messages.

When I get one of these things, I feel like the sender is telling me, "Hey, listen, I know we're all busy. I really need you to read this e-mail, though, and I don't want to pester you about it later. And you might claim that you never received it, and therefore take no responsibility for reading it and taking action. So if I ask you to confirm you received it, then you'll know that I know that my little e-mail made it's way into your inbox, and you will be compelled to do something with it."

I'll admit I might be reading too much into return receipt. As much as they annoy me, though, I accept them as an occasional part of the workaday world. Howevah...

Today I received an e-mail, complete with return receipt, from a co-worker about an optional charity event being organized by our office. It was a friendly e-mail, full of "I hope you'll join us" phraseology, emphasizing that this is not a mandatory event. But if it's an optional thing, why did the sender require notification that I received it? Isn't that the sort of tool you'd use with say, a contract? Or health insurance alerts? Now, I'm feeling implicit peer pressure to participate in the charity event. Or sponsor someone who participates. And I get the added bonus of feeling guilty about feeling resentful about helping out a good cause. I mean, what kind of ogre doesn't want to help out a good cause? Or nitpicks the medium through which the good cause is trumpeted?

Yowza. I clearly need to get going for the weekend.