25 Things Every Man Should Know (according to Popular Mechanics)

I heard about this article on the radio a few weeks ago, and I've been meaning to look it up. You can see the original article here. I highly recommend looking at it, because there's a hilarious feminist argument raging in the comments. Admittedly, when I first heard about the article, I was all, "Why can't you call it what every person should know how to do?" But that's taking the list far too seriously. Wouldn't the real abilities be things like, "Can grow crops," or "Read pharmaceutical directions correctly"? P'raps someday I will craft a list of what every woman, nay, every PERSON should know how to do. 'Til then, enjoy the list from the mag (below). For fun, I've noted which skills are in my repertoire:

1. Patch a radiator hose
   If the answer is "duct tape," then I'm savvy. Otherwise, I'm calling my mechanic brother.
2. Protect your computer
   Yup -- both from thieves AND viruses.
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
   Never had the pleasure, but I'm pretty sure you toss them a life raft. Or you call the Coast Guard. Is there an in-between?
4. Frame a wall
   I'm assuming this is not in any way a decorative term. Nope.
5. Retouch digital photos
   Yup! Otherwise, my family would look like demon seed, what with all the red-eye.
6. Back up a trailer
   Yes on this as well, crazy as that sounds.
7. Build a campfire
   Yes again. They don't say if lighters or matches are allowed. If not, I'm a wee out of luck. Me and the flint are not so friendly.
8. Fix a dead outlet
   Nay. I have a policy against trying to repair something that could potentially kill me.
9. Navigate with a map and compass
   Yes. My father-in-law would be proud. In case Super Ninja doubts me: immediate ability to distinguish right from left is NOT an indicator of one's ability to read maps.
10. Use a torque wrench
    Nope. Where would I lay hands on a torque wrench?
11. Sharpen a knife
    Ooh! I just read an article on this. I'm in the know!
12. Perform CPR
    No. Let's all take a moment to reflect on the fact that I know how to retouch digital photos, but not perform CPR. I must hie myself to one of those classes soon.
13. Fillet a fish
    Nope.
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
    Yes.
15. Get a car unstuck
    I have had more opportunity to perform this feat than I'd care to admit. On one occasion, it was a Maryland state trooper's fault. The only thing that saved me was having a random piece of plywood in my trunk (thank you, set of "Raphael Without Hands"!)
16. Back up data
    Yup.
17. Paint a room
    Most assuredly, yes.
18. Mix concrete
    With a truck? No. In a bucket? Yes.
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
    Nope.
20. Change oil and filter
    No, but I know how to take my car to Jiffy Lube.
21. Hook up an HDTV
    Nope.
22. Bleed brakes
    What have brakes ever done to me?
23. Paddle a canoe
    Shockingly, yes. Hooray for white water rafting adventures as an office team building experience!
24. Fix a bike flat
    Yep.
25. Extend your wireless network
    Yes, though I've perhaps extended it further than it should go.

By my count, I legitimately know how to do fourteen of these things, making me a little more than half a man. THAT explains why I'm so short.

You Ripped Off That Post? Really?

Every once in awhile, a blogger furiously posts about one of his pieces being plagiarized. That sucks when it happens. Of course, no one loves my stuff enough to rip it off, so I'm just intuiting that it sucks. So, one of the blog collectives that I visit regularly highlighted the plight of someone to whom this had happened. Within her post about the blog pirate, she linked to her original piece so we could all know what it was that was so very valuable.

Eeargh. It was a self-hating thingamajig about the myriad things that stink about being a woman. The things that earn the writer's ire are as follows:

• Being stared at;
• Having to always look pretty/cute;
• Other women;
• High heels, pantyhose/stockings, bras, jeans, bikinis/bathing suits, nail polish, etc.

She concludes with a paragraph about the advantages to being a woman, which include such treasures as, "Getting our way by flashing a smile or showing some cleavage," and "growing a child inside our bodies."

All of it is just so...ugh. Really? This is progress? Do women today really honestly believe that it is a requirement to look pretty? And wear high heels? And what kind of women are you friends, with, anyway? And the advantages listed are more misogynistic than the disadvantages. I'm not sure that I want to get my way by flashing a smile.

The thing that bugs me is that there isn't even a hint of irony in this post, or a glimmer of understanding that the author has some control in these situations. It's not like you're going to be fined if you don't wear makeup. You don't have to hang out with women who are going to talk smack about you. And you really don't have to be weirded out by guys staring. My guess is that if you're flashing some cleavage to get what you want, then perhaps you're inviting a guy's unblinking gaze?

Actually, the thing that REALLY bugs me here is that someone else thought the post was so awesome that she slapped it on her MySpace page without giving credit to the original author. Does no one understand that we do not need to conform to societal expectations of women? I feel like there was a bunch of cybersister high-fiving going on, without anyone questioning the author's contribution to her own disadvantages.

It's moments like these when I feel like a harridan of Dorothy Zbornak proportions.

P.S.: I'm not linking to the post 'cause I'm not really wanting a debate on this. And I'm a coward.