- Patch a radiator hose
If the answer is "duct tape," then I'm savvy. Otherwise, I'm calling my mechanic brother.
- Protect your computer
Yup -- both from thieves AND viruses.
- Rescue a boater who has capsized
Never had the pleasure, but I'm pretty sure you toss them a life raft. Or you call the Coast Guard. Is there an in-between?
- Frame a wall
I'm assuming this is not in any way a decorative term. Nope.
- Retouch digital photos
Yup! Otherwise, my family would look like demon seed, what with all the red-eye.
- Back up a trailer
Yes on this as well, crazy as that sounds.
- Build a campfire
Yes again. They don't say if lighters or matches are allowed. If not, I'm a wee out of luck. Me and the flint are not so friendly.
- Fix a dead outlet
Nay. I have a policy against trying to repair something that could potentially kill me.
- Navigate with a map and compass
Yes. My father-in-law would be proud. In case Super Ninja doubts me: immediate ability to distinguish right from left is NOT an indicator of one's ability to read maps.
- Use a torque wrench
Nope. Where would I lay hands on a torque wrench?
- Sharpen a knife
Ooh! I just read an article on this. I'm in the know!
- Perform CPR
No. Let's all take a moment to reflect on the fact that I know how to retouch digital photos, but not perform CPR. I must hie myself to one of those classes soon.
- Fillet a fish
- Maneuver a car out of a skid
- Get a car unstuck
I have had more opportunity to perform this feat than I'd care to admit. On one occasion, it was a Maryland state trooper's fault. The only thing that saved me was having a random piece of plywood in my trunk (thank you, set of "Raphael Without Hands"!)
- Back up data
- Paint a room
Most assuredly, yes.
- Mix concrete
With a truck? No. In a bucket? Yes.
- Clean a bolt-action rifle
- Change oil and filter
No, but I know how to take my car to Jiffy Lube.
- Hook up an HDTV
- Bleed brakes
What have brakes ever done to me?
- Paddle a canoe
Shockingly, yes. Hooray for white water rafting adventures as an office team building experience!
- Fix a bike flat
- Extend your wireless network
Yes, though I've perhaps extended it further than it should go.
By my count, I legitimately know how to do fourteen of these things, making me a little more than half a man. THAT explains why I'm so short.