Monday, October 15, 2007

25 Things Every Man Should Know (according to Popular Mechanics)

I heard about this article on the radio a few weeks ago, and I've been meaning to look it up. You can see the original article here. I highly recommend looking at it, because there's a hilarious feminist argument raging in the comments. Admittedly, when I first heard about the article, I was all, "Why can't you call it what every person should know how to do?" But that's taking the list far too seriously. Wouldn't the real abilities be things like, "Can grow crops," or "Read pharmaceutical directions correctly"? P'raps someday I will craft a list of what every woman, nay, every PERSON should know how to do. 'Til then, enjoy the list from the mag (below). For fun, I've noted which skills are in my repertoire:
  1. Patch a radiator hose
    If the answer is "duct tape," then I'm savvy. Otherwise, I'm calling my mechanic brother.
  2. Protect your computer
    Yup -- both from thieves AND viruses.
  3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
    Never had the pleasure, but I'm pretty sure you toss them a life raft. Or you call the Coast Guard. Is there an in-between?
  4. Frame a wall
    I'm assuming this is not in any way a decorative term. Nope.
  5. Retouch digital photos
    Yup! Otherwise, my family would look like demon seed, what with all the red-eye.
  6. Back up a trailer
    Yes on this as well, crazy as that sounds.
  7. Build a campfire
    Yes again. They don't say if lighters or matches are allowed. If not, I'm a wee out of luck. Me and the flint are not so friendly.
  8. Fix a dead outlet
    Nay. I have a policy against trying to repair something that could potentially kill me.
  9. Navigate with a map and compass
    Yes. My father-in-law would be proud. In case Super Ninja doubts me: immediate ability to distinguish right from left is NOT an indicator of one's ability to read maps.
  10. Use a torque wrench
    Nope. Where would I lay hands on a torque wrench?
  11. Sharpen a knife
    Ooh! I just read an article on this. I'm in the know!
  12. Perform CPR
    No. Let's all take a moment to reflect on the fact that I know how to retouch digital photos, but not perform CPR. I must hie myself to one of those classes soon.
  13. Fillet a fish
  14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
  15. Get a car unstuck
    I have had more opportunity to perform this feat than I'd care to admit. On one occasion, it was a Maryland state trooper's fault. The only thing that saved me was having a random piece of plywood in my trunk (thank you, set of "Raphael Without Hands"!)
  16. Back up data
  17. Paint a room
    Most assuredly, yes.
  18. Mix concrete
    With a truck? No. In a bucket? Yes.
  19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
  20. Change oil and filter
    No, but I know how to take my car to Jiffy Lube.
  21. Hook up an HDTV
  22. Bleed brakes
    What have brakes ever done to me?
  23. Paddle a canoe
    Shockingly, yes. Hooray for white water rafting adventures as an office team building experience!
  24. Fix a bike flat
  25. Extend your wireless network
    Yes, though I've perhaps extended it further than it should go.

By my count, I legitimately know how to do fourteen of these things, making me a little more than half a man. THAT explains why I'm so short.

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