Dear Kathi,

I might take your critique of my spelling error more seriously if you didn't spell your name that way.

Love,

Me

Do You Watch the Wire? Huh? Huh? Do Ya?

Many, many, many people ask me if I watch "The Wire." Seriously. Everyone who knows or suspects that I'm indigenous to Charm City asks if I watch. And I keep telling them that I don't. They groan, physically pained by the fact that a native, with whom they could have Very Important Conversations about the fictional and not-so-fictional aspects of the city, has just chat-blocked them with viewer ignorance.

Well, that's going to change because Super-Ninja's brother and sister-in-law sent us the series on DVD. I know that I will enjoy it, be fascinated and maddened by it. It's a little strange for me, though, because my standard response to "Do you watch 'The Wire?'" was: I've lived and worked here for decades, and I know the reality. I see it on the nightly news, in the daily newspaper. Not to mention that I watched this, this, this, and this*. So, I haven't really felt the burning desire to see another shadowy B'more on the small screen. But I'll give it a shot, because I love me a compelling story, and this show more than any other I've heard about promises a heaping huge delivery of Compelling Story.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, in a rare synesthetic moment, today, I happened upon this article in the Baltimore Sun. All ye watchers of 'The Wire,' read and discuss.

*Okay, not really of the same ilk. But it's about murders in Baltimore, yeah?

I Love Coffee, But...

I don't love it on my pants. And I really don't love it on my pants when I have two meetings today, one of which I am running.

And, I don't know how this happened, but the coffee/pants combo is emitting an aroma akin to one of those awful coffee-flavored hard candies. I would probably dig eau de café if it smelled like a gingerbread latte. But this? Yick.

The Joy of Synonyms

Last night was my night to put the Boy to bed. Super Ninja and I take turns because we would bleed from the ears if one of us were charged with putting the Boy to bed every night. At bedtime, the Boy has an attention span of a puppy. Getting him to focus on ONE book and succumbing to his sleepiness...well it can be a challenge.

Super Ninja often accuses me of actually winding the Boy up though, and in this, he is probably correct. Case in point? I did NOT help the Boy toward Dreamland when I guffawed at his interpretation of a word that was new to him.

We were reading "George Upside Down." At one point, George is sent to a tutor. The Boy pointed at the tutor and said, "He toots, because he's a tooter!"*

Tears. There were tears streaming out of my eyes. I know it's not that funny, but we are rapidly advancing toward the scatological conversations that were oft had at my own childhood dinner table. And oh, the hilarity that will ensue...

*'Toot' is how we refer to the inevitable act of passing gas. I just didn't want to be the parent of the kid who, in a crowded shopping mall, yells something like, "Mom! I just RIPPED ONE!"

What Do You Think of People...

who use anglicized spellings of words (publicise, colour, recognise), but are American? It's an affectation, no?

The Fruits of Construction

There are six dead bugs in the lighting panels in my office. I'm not really sure what kind of bugs they are, or how they came to their final resting place. But I suspect that the high-rise that is being erected next door to my building has something to do with it. I will keep you posted on the carnage as these earth dweller scramble for a new home, and choose poorly.

Did I mention that I'm desperately avoiding e-mail today? You say you guessed that already? Hmph. A woman doesn't like to be too easy to read.

Going Green?

Yesterday, I saw a woman flicking ashes out of her car window as she smoked. And she was driving a Prius. Just seemed contradictory, that's all.

A Phrase Explained

"He wants to have his cake and eat it, too."

That phrase NEVER made sense to me. We all know what it's supposed to be about -- having everything your way even though all of the things you want are contradictory -- but at face value, well, why can't you have cake and eat it? Who has cake, and leaves it sitting in front of him untouched?

But then, Super Ninja and I watched "Micki + Maude" recently, and one of the supporting characters used this expression to describe the main character's spiral into bigamy. Appropriate choice of idiom, yes? An irritated Rob Salinger, the main character, explained to his friend that he'd used the phrase incorrectly. The original saying is this:

"He wants to eat his cake and have it, too."

ONE little transposition of a clause, and suddenly the phrase paints a clear picture of a personality type instead of confusing me. I can only assume that the bastardized version of this expression annoyed Jonathan Reynolds beyond all measure, and he had to dedicated three minutes of a feature film to setting the public straight.

A Gripe with 'Juno'

It's not, "Thundercats are go!" It's "Thunder, thunder, thunder, Thundercats HO!" or "Thunderbirds are go!"

Jeez, waste hours Googling nostalgic shows sometime. Or, you know, write an Academy Award winning screenplay. Your choice.

P.S.: If I'm wrong about this, blame Super Ninja.

Maybe Observational Humor Is Not My Forte

Every once in awhile I check out airfare specials between BWI and cities where Super Ninja's family members live. Never really noticed it before, but check out the fee disclaimers:



Listen, I think the airlines can just call this "a federal excise tax per flight." I'm pretty sure that any successful flight will involve both a takeoff and a landing, and I have no desire to experience one that doesn't. So I'm really okay with lumping all three under one umbrella term.

I Have a Theory about Weight Revelation

Howard Stern will often ask his female guests how much they weigh. Actually, he asks many of his guests, male and female, how much they weigh. And then he will weigh them. Dude is preoccupied with weight.

Anyway, the women usually crack me up. If they answer him, it's because they want to demonstrate how not a big deal it is to them, right? But then they almost always shave a pound or two off of whatever they initially said. When a woman says, "Oh, I don't know. One-fifteen, One-twelve," we all KNOW that she weighs 112 pounds, and even though she wants to appear nonchalant, she really, really doesn't want anyone thinking she weighs a cataclysmic 115 pounds. Because then she'd be a cow, right?