Friday, March 06, 2009

You Always Need Water

I had my annual visit to my OB/GYN yesterday. (Cue shudders among my male reader(s).)

On the plus side, my diminutive Asian doc told me that I should lose 25 pounds instead of the usual 40. So, the Wii Fit and the reduction of the amount of crap I shovel into my maw are having the intended effect. It's shocking what cutting calories and leading a slightly-less-than-sedentary lifestyle will do for ya.

On the not-so-plus side, I gave myself an outrageous case of razor burn while preparing for said visit. What am I, eleven years old with a dull Bic? Sheesh.

Yeah, so here's what happened. I'd originally thought my exam was scheduled for last Tuesday. I spent mucho time primping the night before. I think I spend more time grooming for my OB/GYN appointments than I did for my wedding. We're talking actually shaving ABOVE the knee, instead of up TO the knee. Anyway, at the appointed time, I sauntered into the doctor's office, only to find that someone (they say me, I say they) mixed up the appointment times. No biggie -- they just rescheduled me for yesterday.

Since I lead an ridiculously busy life (i.e., web surfing) I forgot about the appointment until yesterday morning. I did not groom during my evening shower the night before, and I only allow myself a lightning fast 15 minutes to get ready for work. Shaving ankle-to-hip is not a staple of my morning toilette.

What to do? I couldn't, just couldn't go to the doc with more than a week's growth on my gams. She might mistake me for some other hominid and forward me to the local zoo. I did what many a gal short on time has done: dry-ish shaved my legs.

Sounds desperate, I know. But I had one of these kind of shavers, and I thought if I spattered a little water on my legs, I'd be OK. I mean, the models in the commercials are never actually IN the shower when using the device, right? I would be a thoroughly modern, untethered woman, and shave outside my tiled prison. All would be well.

WRONG. Wrong, wrong, a thousand times wrong.

It didn't hurt while I was in the midst of shaving. But oh, Lord, the consequences. Imagine being slightly flayed. And then someone whips the exposed meat of your legs. Pleasant, eh? They are much better today, so I'm guessing a crucial layer of epidermis has grown back already. That's my secret mutant power: re-growing skin that I removed in a stupid attempt to beat the clock.

Ultimately, I've decided that if I forget about future OB/GYN visits, Tiny Asian, M.D., will just have to deal with my hirsuteness.

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