Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Have I Told You About the New Neighbors?

They don't live next door to us. They're not even in our little townhouse development, or I'd see less humor in the situation. These folks live on the corner of the intersection of the road that leads to our community. Why write about them, you ask? Because they, Gentle Readers, are the reason that Homeowners Associations exist.

The first tip that they might be less-than-perfect neighbors was the flatbed tow truck. They park it on the shoulder of the road across the street from their home. Now, don't go thinking that I'm a snob. My second eldest brother, we'll call him Mech, is a mechanic, and I've nothing but respect for grease monkeydom as his thorough auto knowledge has helped me out of many a jam.
I'm actually in favor of this tow truck resting in this particular spot because it has stopped cars from illegally whizzing past me on the shoulder of the road while I turn onto my street. However, this isn't the only vehicle nestled 'twixt the white line and the trees lining the road. Four other cars in varying states of disrepair hang out there too. This, too, wouldn't be a big deal, except that this house has a four-car driveway which should be able to contain all of their cars. And there, dear friends, is where the indicators of hillbillyishness begin.

To wit:

1) Half of their carport collapsed, and it took about two months to move the debris. Note that I wrote "move" and not "remove." That's because the miscellaneous shingles, 4" x 4"'s, and bolts have been pushed to the side of the yard.

2) There's a junker of a pick-up truck under the remaining half of the carport. It hasn't been moved for at least a month. And the hood has been up the whole time.

3) A go-kart has recently joined the pick-up truck. This is one vehicle that is actually working, as it buzzed through my parking lot while I was packing the Family Truckster for vacation.

4) A 5' tall metal canister with scary looking stickers all over stands upright in the middle of the parking pad.

5) There's an empty inflatable kiddie pool flopped into the front yard.

6) The lawn is so overgrown that I think guerilla armies are hiding out there.

7) A hick pixie (perhaps teenaged?) has darted across the street, in front of oncoming traffic, to get to the cars parked on the shoulder. Did I mention that she was carrying an infant?

8) I have yet to see one of the men wearing shirts.

If you're a good ol' boy or gal, you might think that I'm hatin' on folks who are working so hard that they don't have time to worry about the homestead. Not so. The bone that I'm picking is with people who are CLEARLY not properly tending to things that need tending -- lawns, deritrus, babies -- in favor of leisurely activities, like drunk go-karting. Plus, now I have to explain to the Boy why we can't have a go-kart in which to zoom around.

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